"Our relationship wasn't that bad, was it?" Johnny asked on our way back to my car. "No, of course not." I told him. "Are you sure?" He asked. "Positive." I said, smiled. "I'm sorry about tonight. With your sister. That was a very asshole thing for me to do." "Well don't do it again." I said tried not to giggle. He sounded funny sometimes when he was trying to be serious. We got back to my car, and before we got in he grabbed my arm. "What?" I asked. "I just need you to know something." He said. "Yes?" "I miss you. I miss you a lot. I know you are way out of me league, and I always kind of knew you were. But I don't care. I love you Sam." He said. I didn't know how to respond. I wanted to cry because I suddenly remembered just what it was about Johnny I liked so much before. "You are different. Just because you want a marrage and a happy life doesn't make you like them. You are smarter then all of them." He said, and kissed my cheek. He turned to walk to his side of the car, but I stopped him, put my hands on his shoulders and leaned in and kissed him. I meant for it to be a quick kiss on the lips, but I lingered to long, and we ended up really kissing. He put his hands on my waist and pulled me in closer to him so our bodies were touching. My heart was beating so fast. Every moment we kissed felt so amazing, and it made me feel guilty. I tried to stop, but I couldn't. Johnny was the one to pull away. "I know you feel something. But it's okay. I'm not asking you to leave your life to be with me. I just want you to go through with everything only if you want to. And only because you can't see yourself with anyone but Nick." He whispered. He gave me a long hug and then we both climbed back in the car. We didn't say anything the whole ride. I dropped him off and snuck back in the house. I climbed in bed, but I couldn't sleep. My mind was racing. I kept imagining what life would be like with Nick. It looked wonderful, but at the same time I kept seeing my mother and father, and feeling slightly paniced. I knew I was being silly though. I was different. I knew I was. But what if Nick wasn't? I rolled over and put my pillow over my head, holding it there with my arms. I felt like screaming. I couldn't stop thinking of Matt either. Or Johnny for that matter. After an hour had gone by I realized I wasn't going to make my self fall asleep, so I got up and pulled out a small box of photos from New York. As I was flipping through I realized how much I missed it back there. I laughed when I found a picture I had taken of Johnny after he fell off his skateboard. The look on his face was hilarious. Like he didn't think it was possible to fall off. I had several of him and Ryan. I only had one of Matt. It was a self portrait of the two of us sticking our tounges out at the camera. "Please call me." I said, looking at the picture. I suddenly realized, sadly, that I hadn't taken any pictures since I had been back. I put the pictures back in the box and put them back in my closet. I sighed and sat down on my bench under the window. My eyes started to tear up, and I couldn't believe just how confused I felt. I took a deep breath, and let it out shakily. "It'll be okay. It's what you are suposed to do." I said to myself. "He loves you. You love him. You'll have a house, and a dark room, and a family." I said, and really started to cry. I did for a few minutes and thought about calling someone. Ryan maybe. But I looked at the clock and it was way to late. I got up and opened the drawer of my night stand and pulled out my old copy of The Wind In The Willows and layed down in bed. I had had it since I was a little girl, and I would read it when I wanted to feel better. I made it through the first two chapters before I fell asleep. I woke up the next morning to my phone ringing. I jumped up and ran over, mouthing "please be Matt" over and over. I picked up the phone and it was Nick. I sighed, and answered it.
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"Our relationship wasn't that bad, was it?" Johnny asked on our way back to my car.
"No, of course not." I told him.
"Are you sure?" He asked.
"Positive." I said, smiled.
"I'm sorry about tonight. With your sister. That was a very asshole thing for me to do."
"Well don't do it again." I said tried not to giggle. He sounded funny sometimes when he was trying to be serious. We got back to my car, and before we got in he grabbed my arm.
"What?" I asked.
"I just need you to know something." He said.
"Yes?"
"I miss you. I miss you a lot. I know you are way out of me league, and I always kind of knew you were. But I don't care. I love you Sam." He said. I didn't know how to respond. I wanted to cry because I suddenly remembered just what it was about Johnny I liked so much before.
"You are different. Just because you want a marrage and a happy life doesn't make you like them. You are smarter then all of them." He said, and kissed my cheek. He turned to walk to his side of the car, but I stopped him, put my hands on his shoulders and leaned in and kissed him. I meant for it to be a quick kiss on the lips, but I lingered to long, and we ended up really kissing. He put his hands on my waist and pulled me in closer to him so our bodies were touching. My heart was beating so fast. Every moment we kissed felt so amazing, and it made me feel guilty. I tried to stop, but I couldn't. Johnny was the one to pull away.
"I know you feel something. But it's okay. I'm not asking you to leave your life to be with me. I just want you to go through with everything only if you want to. And only because you can't see yourself with anyone but Nick." He whispered. He gave me a long hug and then we both climbed back in the car. We didn't say anything the whole ride. I dropped him off and snuck back in the house. I climbed in bed, but I couldn't sleep. My mind was racing. I kept imagining what life would be like with Nick. It looked wonderful, but at the same time I kept seeing my mother and father, and feeling slightly paniced. I knew I was being silly though. I was different. I knew I was. But what if Nick wasn't? I rolled over and put my pillow over my head, holding it there with my arms. I felt like screaming. I couldn't stop thinking of Matt either. Or Johnny for that matter. After an hour had gone by I realized I wasn't going to make my self fall asleep, so I got up and pulled out a small box of photos from New York. As I was flipping through I realized how much I missed it back there. I laughed when I found a picture I had taken of Johnny after he fell off his skateboard. The look on his face was hilarious. Like he didn't think it was possible to fall off. I had several of him and Ryan. I only had one of Matt. It was a self portrait of the two of us sticking our tounges out at the camera.
"Please call me." I said, looking at the picture. I suddenly realized, sadly, that I hadn't taken any pictures since I had been back. I put the pictures back in the box and put them back in my closet. I sighed and sat down on my bench under the window. My eyes started to tear up, and I couldn't believe just how confused I felt. I took a deep breath, and let it out shakily.
"It'll be okay. It's what you are suposed to do." I said to myself. "He loves you. You love him. You'll have a house, and a dark room, and a family." I said, and really started to cry. I did for a few minutes and thought about calling someone. Ryan maybe. But I looked at the clock and it was way to late. I got up and opened the drawer of my night stand and pulled out my old copy of The Wind In The Willows and layed down in bed. I had had it since I was a little girl, and I would read it when I wanted to feel better. I made it through the first two chapters before I fell asleep.
I woke up the next morning to my phone ringing. I jumped up and ran over, mouthing "please be Matt" over and over. I picked up the phone and it was Nick. I sighed, and answered it.
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