The funeral was beautiful. I don't think a single person left with dry eyes. Even Johnny looked upset. I wasn't sure if it was from the funeral, or from seeing me so upset. We had a reception back at the house with catered food and drinks. It was amazing to see how many people came by to give there condolences. After a couple hours the place had pretty much cleared out. Only a few close family members were left. "I'm going to go for a walk in the garden." I told Johnny. "Do you want to come?" I asked him. "No, thats okay. I kind of want to get some sleep. Maybe think a little." He said. "Is everything okay?" I asked him. "Yeah. Its just that I don't really know what to say to anybody, or what to do to make you feel better. I just feel kind of awkward about the whole thing." He said. "I'm sorry." I told him, and held his hand. "It's okay. Wake me up later, okay." He said, and stood up. He kissed me and then left. I sighed. I had really wanted to get to walk with him for a little while. I needed someone. I got up and walked out back, past the outdoor pool and basket ball courts, and followed the path to our garden. When I got there I walked around and looked at all the flowers and bushes. I sat down on one of the benches and thought of Nana. For the first time, it hit me that she was really gone. I pulled my legs up on the bench, and wrapped my arms around my knees. I rested my forhead on them, and started to cry really hard. Right then I really wished Johnny was there. I just wanted someone to put their arm around me. "Hey sunshine. My world crashes when I see you so upset." I heard a voice say. I smiled, knowing exactly who it was. I lifted my headup and wiped my eyes. "Hey Nick." I said. He walked over and sat down next to me, and put his arm around me. "My dad is still here smoking cigars with your dad and your Uncle Chris. I saw you wander into the garden, and thought I would come check on you." He said. "Thanks. I'm glad you found me." I told him, and sniffed. "Are you okay?" He asked. "Yeah. Considering." I said. He hugged me, and kissed my cheek. "I miss you bear." He said. "Miss you too." I told him. I started to cry some more, and he hugged me tighter, and let me cry on his shoulder. I stopped after a few minutes, and took a deep breath. "I miss Nana." I told him. "We all do. She was sweet." He said. "Like you. She didn't let money and status get in the way of life." "Thanks." I told him. "Where is Johnny?" He asked. I just shrugged. "Laying down. He doesn't really know how to react to all of this." I told him. "How sensitive of him." Nick said. "Nick, where is this going?" I asked him. "I just don't want you to get hurt. He should be out here comforting you." He said. "Instead of you?" I asked. "Well, I like being out here. I miss being with you, but yes. He should be out here." He told me. "It's okay." I told him. "Do you love him?" Nick asked. "No. I care a lot about him, but I don't think I love him. Not yet anyway." I said. "Do you still love me?" Nick asked. I thought about it for a second. "Yeah, I do." I said. "Then why did we breakup?" He asked. "You are the one to throw the first punch, remember? You called me." i told him. "I know. I regretted it right away though." He said. "Maybe we just need to see what else is out there. I mean, we were both eachothers first love, first everything." I said. "Maybe. But I can't picture anyone else in my future." He said. "Can we talk about this another time?" I asked. "Of course." He said, and kissed my cheek again. I felt warm when he did. "Do you want to be alone for a few minutes?" He asked. "No, thats okay. I'm ready to go back inside. I want to check on mom." I told him. "Okay, come on Sunshine." He said, and took my hand, leading me back to the house.
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The funeral was beautiful. I don't think a single person left with dry eyes. Even Johnny looked upset. I wasn't sure if it was from the funeral, or from seeing me so upset. We had a reception back at the house with catered food and drinks. It was amazing to see how many people came by to give there condolences. After a couple hours the place had pretty much cleared out. Only a few close family members were left.
"I'm going to go for a walk in the garden." I told Johnny. "Do you want to come?" I asked him.
"No, thats okay. I kind of want to get some sleep. Maybe think a little." He said.
"Is everything okay?" I asked him.
"Yeah. Its just that I don't really know what to say to anybody, or what to do to make you feel better. I just feel kind of awkward about the whole thing." He said.
"I'm sorry." I told him, and held his hand.
"It's okay. Wake me up later, okay." He said, and stood up. He kissed me and then left. I sighed. I had really wanted to get to walk with him for a little while. I needed someone. I got up and walked out back, past the outdoor pool and basket ball courts, and followed the path to our garden. When I got there I walked around and looked at all the flowers and bushes. I sat down on one of the benches and thought of Nana. For the first time, it hit me that she was really gone. I pulled my legs up on the bench, and wrapped my arms around my knees. I rested my forhead on them, and started to cry really hard. Right then I really wished Johnny was there. I just wanted someone to put their arm around me.
"Hey sunshine. My world crashes when I see you so upset." I heard a voice say. I smiled, knowing exactly who it was. I lifted my headup and wiped my eyes.
"Hey Nick." I said. He walked over and sat down next to me, and put his arm around me.
"My dad is still here smoking cigars with your dad and your Uncle Chris. I saw you wander into the garden, and thought I would come check on you." He said.
"Thanks. I'm glad you found me." I told him, and sniffed.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
"Yeah. Considering." I said. He hugged me, and kissed my cheek.
"I miss you bear." He said.
"Miss you too." I told him. I started to cry some more, and he hugged me tighter, and let me cry on his shoulder. I stopped after a few minutes, and took a deep breath.
"I miss Nana." I told him.
"We all do. She was sweet." He said. "Like you. She didn't let money and status get in the way of life."
"Thanks." I told him.
"Where is Johnny?" He asked. I just shrugged.
"Laying down. He doesn't really know how to react to all of this." I told him.
"How sensitive of him." Nick said.
"Nick, where is this going?" I asked him.
"I just don't want you to get hurt. He should be out here comforting you." He said.
"Instead of you?" I asked.
"Well, I like being out here. I miss being with you, but yes. He should be out here." He told me.
"It's okay." I told him.
"Do you love him?" Nick asked.
"No. I care a lot about him, but I don't think I love him. Not yet anyway." I said.
"Do you still love me?" Nick asked.
I thought about it for a second.
"Yeah, I do." I said.
"Then why did we breakup?" He asked.
"You are the one to throw the first punch, remember? You called me." i told him.
"I know. I regretted it right away though." He said.
"Maybe we just need to see what else is out there. I mean, we were both eachothers first love, first everything." I said.
"Maybe. But I can't picture anyone else in my future." He said.
"Can we talk about this another time?" I asked.
"Of course." He said, and kissed my cheek again. I felt warm when he did.
"Do you want to be alone for a few minutes?" He asked.
"No, thats okay. I'm ready to go back inside. I want to check on mom." I told him.
"Okay, come on Sunshine." He said, and took my hand, leading me back to the house.
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