"I'm so glad to see everyone back!" Sonya said. It was my second meeting with the girls. "Now, are there any topics any of you would like to discus before we begin where we left of last week?" I slowly raised my hand. "Yes Sam?" "This is tough, but I'll just go ahead and ask it. Is anyone else second guessing getting married?" I asked. Everyone looked at me like I was an idiot. "What do you mean?" Madison asked. "Lately I've been having doubts. Like maybe this isn't really what I want. Or maybe Nick isn't the guy I want it with." I tried to explain. "Who cares who it is with? If you got a good guy, you got a good guy." Sonya said. "Yeah, I mean if you get bored with him, it's not like you can't..you know...find someone more intersting." Lynn said. "Excuse me?" I asked. "She means a lover." Madison said, and a few of the girls laughed. "But I love Nick. I wouldn't do that to him." I said. "And you shouldn't." Madison said, and smiled at me. "Okay, next topic. DJ's." Sonya siad. I was glad to move on. "I'll talk to you about it later." Madison whispered. I smiled and thanked her. After the meeting Madison and I decided to go get some coffee and a pastery at a cafe. "So, second thoughts?" She asked me when we sat down at a small table. "Yeah. My ex boyfriend lives out here. I've kind of kissed him twice since I've moved back. And I still feel attached to a guy back in New York." I told her. "I know exactly how you feel." She said. "You do?" I asked. "Yeah. There is a friend of mine who I recently started having feelings for. I know he feels the same way, and I can't help but wonder what it would be like to be with him. I love Josh, though, and I don't want to hurt him. And I feel like it would be foolish to call off a wedding because I might have feelings for my friend. I was able to kind of hide from the feeling until we sorta made out at a party two weeks ago." She said. "Thank god." I said. "Excuse me?" She asked. "Sorry! I meant thank god I have someone to talk to about this!" I said, and she laughed. A waiter came over and we each ordered a small danish and some espresso. "I try to just push the feelings for Chris aside, but I can't help but think about him." She said, after the waiter left. "Me too. I keep thinking of Matt. And of Johnny. Both of them give me chills when I see or talk to them." I told her. "My family keeps saying Josh is the best thing to happen to me. And that I would be a big fool not to marry him. He is an amazing guy, but I don't know if I'm ready to be married. I was half way through school when he proposed, and I've taken this last sememster off to plan for the wedding. He wants to get a house and start a family right away. But I don't want to yet, I want to go to school." She said. "So what do we do? I want to make my own living, but I'll have absolutely now need to." I told her. We both sighed at the same time and laughed at each other. The waiter brought out or dessert. Madison's phone started to ring. She looked at it, then up at me. "It's Chris." She said, and smiled, then answered. Just then my phone rang. I just answered it. "Married?" Matt asked. "Yes. Married. Nick proposed the day I got back from your family's house." I told him. I heard him take a deep breath. "Why?" He asked. "Because I love him." I told him. "Because you love him? Or because you feel like you are suposed to get married." He asked. "I want to get married." I told him. "You don't sound too convincing." He said. "You don't know anything!" I said, and almost hung up. "I know I want you." He said, before I could. "Matt, this is good for me." I told him. "Says your family. You were doing fine on your own. How many pictures have you taken since you got back?" He asked me. "What?" I asked. "How many?" "None, but-" "None. That is your passion, Sam. Your life! Are you just going to stop? You are amazing. Trust me on this." He said. I felt like crying again. "Sam? Are you still there?" He asked. I didn't say anything. "Sam?" "I'm here." I answered. "Just don't do this because you think you have to. Or because your family says it's what you need. Promise me that." He said. "Okay." I told him. "I wont call you again. Not if I can't have you." He said. "But you are my friend." I told him. "I'm more then a friend. I hope I was anyway. I don't want to cause you any conflict. Goodbye Sam." He said. "Don't. Matt, you have to call me again." I told him, tearing up. "Goodbye Sam." He said, and hung up. I knew he would call me again. "You okay?" Madison asked me. "Yeah. That was Matt." I told her. "How weird...that Chris and Matt called at the same time." She said. "Yeah. How is Chris?" I asked her. "Good. I'm meeting him for a drink later so we can talk about everything." She told me. "Good." I said, and smiled. When we finished we hugged and said goodbye. I drove back home and went to my room. Anna was sitting on my bed. "I don't want to see you." I told her. "I'm sorry." She said. "Whatever. Can I be alone please?" I asked her. "I'm sorry! I was drinking, and it was a horrible thing to do." She told me. She looked really upset. "It was. And I'm still mad at you. But thank you for apologizing." I told her. She smiled, and got up and hugged me. After she left I layed down on my bed and pulled the blankets over my head. I cried. I thought about New York. About Ryan. About having my pictures shown. About Matt. About taking pictures. I suddenly really wanted to go back more then ever. Just then my door burst open. "YELLOW?" My mom shouted. "Yes, that is what Nick and I want." I told her. "The wedding planner called. We are NOT having yellow!" She said. "Mom-" "It's okay. I called Nick's mom and she said Nick was willing to change the colors." She said. "What? But I don't want to. I want yellow." I told her. "Nick wants yellow." "Nick doesn't care." She said. I picked up my phone and called Nick. "Hello Angel." he said. "What is wrong with yellow?" I asked him. "Nothing. But, our mothers both seem to be pretty set on red. I figured it wasn't a big deal." He said. I hung up on him. I got up, and stormed past my mom. "Where are you going?" She asked. "OUT!" I yelled, and kept going. She yelled something, but I didn't hear what. I just kept walking, got into my car and drove to Johnny's.
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"I'm so glad to see everyone back!" Sonya said. It was my second meeting with the girls. "Now, are there any topics any of you would like to discus before we begin where we left of last week?"
I slowly raised my hand.
"Yes Sam?"
"This is tough, but I'll just go ahead and ask it. Is anyone else second guessing getting married?" I asked. Everyone looked at me like I was an idiot.
"What do you mean?" Madison asked.
"Lately I've been having doubts. Like maybe this isn't really what I want. Or maybe Nick isn't the guy I want it with." I tried to explain.
"Who cares who it is with? If you got a good guy, you got a good guy." Sonya said.
"Yeah, I mean if you get bored with him, it's not like you can't..you know...find someone more intersting." Lynn said.
"Excuse me?" I asked.
"She means a lover." Madison said, and a few of the girls laughed.
"But I love Nick. I wouldn't do that to him." I said.
"And you shouldn't." Madison said, and smiled at me.
"Okay, next topic. DJ's." Sonya siad. I was glad to move on.
"I'll talk to you about it later." Madison whispered. I smiled and thanked her. After the meeting Madison and I decided to go get some coffee and a pastery at a cafe.
"So, second thoughts?" She asked me when we sat down at a small table.
"Yeah. My ex boyfriend lives out here. I've kind of kissed him twice since I've moved back. And I still feel attached to a guy back in New York." I told her.
"I know exactly how you feel." She said.
"You do?" I asked.
"Yeah. There is a friend of mine who I recently started having feelings for. I know he feels the same way, and I can't help but wonder what it would be like to be with him. I love Josh, though, and I don't want to hurt him. And I feel like it would be foolish to call off a wedding because I might have feelings for my friend. I was able to kind of hide from the feeling until we sorta made out at a party two weeks ago." She said.
"Thank god." I said.
"Excuse me?" She asked.
"Sorry! I meant thank god I have someone to talk to about this!" I said, and she laughed. A waiter came over and we each ordered a small danish and some espresso.
"I try to just push the feelings for Chris aside, but I can't help but think about him." She said, after the waiter left.
"Me too. I keep thinking of Matt. And of Johnny. Both of them give me chills when I see or talk to them." I told her.
"My family keeps saying Josh is the best thing to happen to me. And that I would be a big fool not to marry him. He is an amazing guy, but I don't know if I'm ready to be married. I was half way through school when he proposed, and I've taken this last sememster off to plan for the wedding. He wants to get a house and start a family right away. But I don't want to yet, I want to go to school." She said.
"So what do we do? I want to make my own living, but I'll have absolutely now need to." I told her. We both sighed at the same time and laughed at each other. The waiter brought out or dessert.
Madison's phone started to ring. She looked at it, then up at me.
"It's Chris." She said, and smiled, then answered. Just then my phone rang. I just answered it.
"Married?" Matt asked.
"Yes. Married. Nick proposed the day I got back from your family's house." I told him. I heard him take a deep breath.
"Why?" He asked.
"Because I love him." I told him.
"Because you love him? Or because you feel like you are suposed to get married." He asked.
"I want to get married." I told him.
"You don't sound too convincing." He said.
"You don't know anything!" I said, and almost hung up.
"I know I want you." He said, before I could.
"Matt, this is good for me." I told him.
"Says your family. You were doing fine on your own. How many pictures have you taken since you got back?" He asked me.
"What?" I asked.
"How many?"
"None, but-"
"None. That is your passion, Sam. Your life! Are you just going to stop? You are amazing. Trust me on this." He said. I felt like crying again. "Sam? Are you still there?" He asked. I didn't say anything.
"Sam?"
"I'm here." I answered.
"Just don't do this because you think you have to. Or because your family says it's what you need. Promise me that." He said.
"Okay." I told him.
"I wont call you again. Not if I can't have you." He said.
"But you are my friend." I told him.
"I'm more then a friend. I hope I was anyway. I don't want to cause you any conflict. Goodbye Sam." He said.
"Don't. Matt, you have to call me again." I told him, tearing up.
"Goodbye Sam." He said, and hung up. I knew he would call me again.
"You okay?" Madison asked me.
"Yeah. That was Matt." I told her.
"How weird...that Chris and Matt called at the same time." She said.
"Yeah. How is Chris?" I asked her.
"Good. I'm meeting him for a drink later so we can talk about everything." She told me.
"Good." I said, and smiled. When we finished we hugged and said goodbye. I drove back home and went to my room. Anna was sitting on my bed.
"I don't want to see you." I told her.
"I'm sorry." She said.
"Whatever. Can I be alone please?" I asked her.
"I'm sorry! I was drinking, and it was a horrible thing to do." She told me. She looked really upset.
"It was. And I'm still mad at you. But thank you for apologizing." I told her. She smiled, and got up and hugged me. After she left I layed down on my bed and pulled the blankets over my head.
I cried.
I thought about New York. About Ryan. About having my pictures shown. About Matt. About taking pictures. I suddenly really wanted to go back more then ever. Just then my door burst open.
"YELLOW?" My mom shouted.
"Yes, that is what Nick and I want." I told her.
"The wedding planner called. We are NOT having yellow!" She said.
"Mom-"
"It's okay. I called Nick's mom and she said Nick was willing to change the colors." She said.
"What? But I don't want to. I want yellow." I told her. "Nick wants yellow."
"Nick doesn't care." She said. I picked up my phone and called Nick.
"Hello Angel." he said.
"What is wrong with yellow?" I asked him.
"Nothing. But, our mothers both seem to be pretty set on red. I figured it wasn't a big deal." He said. I hung up on him. I got up, and stormed past my mom.
"Where are you going?" She asked.
"OUT!" I yelled, and kept going. She yelled something, but I didn't hear what. I just kept walking, got into my car and drove to Johnny's.
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